​Explosive anger problem? BREATHING CAN HELP. Three deep breaths, 10 seconds in, hold for a beat, 10 seconds out. Three times.

This might help delay your reaction long enough for you to think through your immediate impulse to blow up and instead actively choose to do something else about your anger. Punching bag, scream into a pillow, work out, etc. These are all good outlets/coping skills but I think the key might be stopping the problem before it starts.

If you're noticing your anger is due to repeated unpleasant situations, we need healthy boundaries. Take time to reflect and notice what the aggravating factors are and where they begin. Then address the root of the problem as best you can. Trial and error.

​You're feeling overwhelmed and work won't slow down? Take your "smoke breaks" even if you're not a smoker. Anger sometimes comes from a sense of helplessness. But there are always decisions (even small ones) that can be made in the interest of self preservation and peace of mind. 

Much love, 

Eva

​I found myself singing along to my headphones at the gym. Not mildly. I'm talking it was SUPER obvious I was enjoying my music lol. I caught a few glances and smiles from some other people as I was rocking out in my own little world.

At first I was a little embarrassed. Like I had been caught. I questioned whether I should "tone it down". And then I thought NAH, I'm having fun! So instead of toning it down and looking quickly away, all embarrassed, I just smiled back. Sure they might have been smiling/laughing at my expense. But I was having fun so it mattered less to me what other people thought.

​I was glad I decided that there was nothing wrong with me openly having a good time at that moment all by myself. It also immediately alleviated the pressure of "doing what other people expect". So go forth. Be weird. Own it. I think it's a vibe. 

- Eva

​Hi Friends, 

Here’s a reminder that you don’t need to operate based on someone’s potential. Let your actions be guided by who they are in the here and now. You can wish someone well and still choose to walk away. You can invite someone who has done some personal growth back into your life. Nothing is permanent but make sure you do what is best for yourself. 
​
Love, 
Eva 

​Hi Friends, 

I had a pretty powerful conversation today so I thought I'd share it with you. Sometimes, I fall victim to doubting myself. I get insecure about my intellect and question how knowledgeable I really am. But I noticed something today. Sometimes I'm just intimidated. Maybe I'm being challenged to share or communicate in a space that I feel judged or uncomfortable. Maybe it's work pressure. Maybe it's a conversation with my partner about a topic I either know nothing about or have no interest in. Maybe it's because I feel like I just can't win.

​Today, it was hardcore studying for my state licensing exam. I was telling my friend, "I can't believe I got that many answers wrong on my practice test. I was CERTAIN I knew the answer". Their response to me was, "I think you're just overwhelmed". And my therapist brain went "OMG how did I not realize that?!". Brain fog is real folks!! So here is a take away affirmation: I'm smart and I will figure this out but right now, I'm just overwhelmed. High stress equals decreased ability to respond.

​I've heard people describe it as "feeling dumb": I can't think clearly, I'm constantly drawing a blank, I'm mentally drained and checking out might all be pointing to I'm overwhelmed. While frustrating to experience, it's not permanent and it certainly is no indication of any character flaw. Welcome to being human. We have limits. And not respecting those limits might mean our brain goes auto shut down.

​It's 1am as I'm writing this so I'm going to take my own advice, stop typing and start sleeping. More rest and water. Less panic about everything I'm getting "wrong". 

Stay well, 
Eva 

​I've been on a few tours now and here is something I noticed: Most people are cool if you're cool and if they're not cool when you're being cool to them and they're consistently in a permanent state of not cool maybe they're just not a happy human and you should just let them have that LOL.

Go be your happy unicorn self anyway and find other cool people to spend time with. People that are happy to be there. Maybe it's the new person. Sure, maybe they're only happy because "they don't know how this goes yet" BUT that doesn't mean they don't genuinely feel like a kid in a candy store and that might be helpful to be around. Good for the soul. A reminder of what it's like to fall in love with tour life. And if it's a bad day, and no one's cool, maybe it's just a bad day and that's all it needs to be?

​Take a second to yourself. Re-center. Walk away. Tomorrow is a new town, a new venue, a new chance for the day to not suck. What do you do with tough people or tough days or tough people on tough days? 

-Eva

To join in on the conversation, fill out the form below to submit a comment! You may remain anonymous if you wish. ​

​Hi friends.

​My name is Eva or Amanda or Whatever. Eva is a musician. Amanda is a therapist. And I'm both. This is the first platform where they meet. A mental health blog for music people. I'll start by saying I'm glad you're here. Who doesn't need a positive safe space in this WILD world we live in?! And by "world we live in" I mean all of it. Work life, family life, passion and necessity and the way those things seem to RARELY line up.

​That's what I hope to create here: a positive, uplifting, "I hear you I see you" space where feelings are shared and welcomed. I hope this can be a space where sad feelings, mad feelings, triumphs and nasty truths can be met with an internet hug (or real life hug if we ever tour together). I personally think hugs are always a great response. Able to be used in situations of happiness and joy and celebration or grief and guilt and anger. Honestly, hugs are probably more powerful in the latter situations where there just are no words.

​So I've given you my name and what I'm doing here. What's your name and how do you feel about hugs? 

-Eva